December 2, 2010

Goodbye My Sweet Baby

It's been a few days so maybe I can finally talk about it. Well, I thought I could anyway, but as I type, I find myself crying again. I didn't really want to share this on my blog at first because quite frankly, there are some truly evil and ugly hearted people who read here and would rejoice in my pain. I decided this morning though that My baby boy deserves a tribute and that I shouldn't deny him that.

Diesel was absolutely the best doggie in the world. He was loyal, kind, trustworthy, and protective. He was also gentle, sweet and loving in ways that no one would ever understand. He greeted me every single morning with a wag of his butt. If he'd still had his tail I swear he could have knocked people out with it. He was just THAT excited to see me every single day.

Every night he slept right next to my bed. If he couldn't sleep there he would sleep as close as he could get to it. He hated to be away from me. The funny thing is that when I first got him from the pound, he was intended to be a guard dog. Fat chance there. He was big and scary looking but that was as far as it went lol. As long as a burglar wasn't trying to hurt me or the kids, they could have anything they wanted.

He hated conflict, especially when we first got him. If he was in the house and the boys were wrestling around, he used to separate them by pulling on the waists of their pants. Once he was more used to the way the boys did things he realized that they weren't actually fighting and then he would do little more than raise his head, look at them and sigh as if to say "there they go again". If they got too rough he'd circle them crying as if he wanted them to stop but he didn't interfere anymore.

He refused to play ball like any other dog. He was smart! If HE could fetch a ball, so could you! The game went like this:
I'd throw the ball a few times and he'd run like a lunatic and bring it back all slobbery and nasty.
Then it was his turn to throw.
He'd swing his head and let the ball go. He had better distance than you might think too! Then I had to go get it. Luckily he didn't insist that I bring it back in my mouth lol. he did insist the game be played this way though. If I wouldn't fetch, he would go to the door to go inside. If I tried to play with another dog, he'd go get the ball and take it with him in the house and hide it. He was very jealous of his Mommy time.

He didn't put up with nonsense from other dogs either. When Sargie, a younger dog we rescued from being put on the side of the road with his brothers and sisters, would get too rambunctious, Diesel would knock him down and stand over him and growl, but only in the house. Outside sargie could play to his hearts content. Inside he had to behave. Diesel helped maintain the rules at all times.

He loved any animal he considered his. He had his own cats, his own bunny, you name it. They were his babies and he loved and played with them. Every night he'd walk by and give them kisses. None of them were afraid of him, regardless of how big he was. They got used to the fact that a kiss from Diesel usually meant they did a flip across the floor when he was particularly happy and forgot to be more gentle. It didn't matter. They knew he wouldn't hurt them.

When our defective male cat had babies, lol, Diesel was the babysitting Uncle. If the momma cat left the area where the babies were, Diesel would freak out and cry. It was like he just couldn't believe they were being left alone. So he'd go in there and sit with them til Momma came back. As the babies got older, they'd follow him around constantly and take his food. He'd stand there and cry til someone made them leave his food alone, but he never got mad at them. They could eat if they wanted. He wouldn't stop them. Which was funny because he wasn't like that with the other dogs. He was King and he ate first. But he'd give over to cats lol, Go figure.

I remember when I first got him and realized how smart he was. When we went to the pound and saw him, I knew he was beautiful but he was already huge even then. I admit I was a little afraid. Then he saw Tyler and I swear a light came on in his eyes and he was so excited to see him. Tyler went right into the pen with him and I knew right then there was nothing to be afraid of. He was as much as kid as mine were. He was just furrier and couldn't talk.

When some kids I used to know came up to see us, he refused to allow one of them to walk him. I used to think he was just being picky and wanted me to do it, but it was only one girl he was like that with. Anyone else could walk him, just not her. I wish I'd listened to my doggies intuition that day, but who would have guessed he was trying to tell me something? She never hurt him that I know of and to be fair he did seem to learn to tolerate her better after a bit even though he didn't see her much. It's just amazing to me looking back now how he clearly preferred she leave him alone and yet he loved everyone else.

When we weren't paying enough attention to him, he'd pet himself. if you were on the couch and had a foot sticking out, it wasn't your foot anymore. It was a way for him to be petted. He'd walk back and forth and pet himself with your feet, knee, the side of the bed, a chair arm, you name it. It wasn't that he didn't get attention either. He was just an attention whore to put it bluntly. He loved his family and wanted to be petted, but if we weren't in a petting mood, he found a way to get what he wanted. Total genius if you ask me.

What I loved the most about him though, was how much he loved me. You could see it in his eyes, you could tell by the way he constantly followed me and drove me nuts. He had such huge feet and he frequently bruised the back of my heel by being too close behind me. He'd just step on me then look at me like it was my fault somehow. I'd get irritated by it sometimes. Especially early in the morning before I was even kind of coordinated and i'd trip over him, hit my head, fall down, get all bruised, you name it. He was right there for me though to say he was sorry and let me know I shouldn't have been so clumsy.

The mornings without him are what hurt the most right now. it doesn't matter that for almost 10 years he followed me closer than a shadow and hurt me. It doesn't matter that my knee will never be the same because of him running into it full blast while I was standing still. What mattered was he truly truly and without a doubt loved me........he was just as clumsy as I was. You should have seen him ride in a car. Every time we turned a curve, he'd fall. It didn't matter what we did. He'd fall down.

I hope you understand that nothing in this tribute is in anyway a criticism of my doggie. It's who he was. He had a personality that was just unlike any other and I know for sure there will never be another like him.

My friend Tiffany gave me this on Facebook a few days ago. I don't know who wrote it or where it came from, but it fits and so i thought I'd share it.

"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...."

I miss you Diesel.......have fun and watch for me at The Rainbow Bridge. I promise to fetch anytime you want.



Rene' Morris said...

I'm sorry to hear that you've lost your doggie. :-( Hopefully hateful people stay away.

pookie266 said...

I know your heart hurts! I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby....just know that your family loves you and we are praying for you! Love ya.

AccidentalMommy said...

I'm so sorry to hear you lost a member of the family. He sounds like he was a wonderful dog.

Sue said...

Sorry about your loss. Sound like a very lovely dog. I love the way he liked to play ball.