December 7, 2010

The Power Of Jealousy

It's amazing to me how much people reveal of themselves when they aren't getting what they want. I can't say I'm perfect or have never done anything wrong, but I CAN honestly say I haven't ever set out to hurt anyone over jealousy. Revenge or looking for the truth maybe, but not jealousy.

The only people I can ever really remember being jealous of were my cousins. I was never jealous of other girls in school. Not that I remember anyway. I had things I wished were better or different but no real bouts with jealousy. With my cousins though, well now that was a different story. These were the people that mattered to me and I think that's what made all the difference. Now this was way back a very long time ago and it stemmed from pure childish wants. I was a happens. I was always upset that they had better Easter clothes, better Easter Candy, better Christmas candy, better rooms, better toys, more extracurricular activities, you name it. All dumb stuff, but at 8 when you have those nasty marshmallow eggs and Peeps in your Easter basket while your younger cousins have snickers and m&m's in theirs it's a big deal. I'm not saying we never had good holidays or anything like that or that we never had anything nice, just saying there were things I wish were different at the time. Being older now, it's funny, back then it wasn't. I hated always feeling like "the poor family". Our family didn't make me feel that way. It was just how *I* felt.

Having grown up, I've gotten over all of it except for the fact that I found out the other day that 2 of them had Wonder Woman Underoos and I never did. I'll move past this eventually but right now I'm thinking how unfair life is. Damn, I wanted those underoos! It doesn't even matter that when Underoos came out I was technically too old to be running around in them anyway. I wanted them.

Anyway, as part of that same growing up, all the childhood angst and jealousy have gone to the wayside as it should. I now see that I have strong beautiful cousins, whom I dearly love and have always been proud of. It doesn't bother me that some of them have better careers, bigger boobs, straighter teeth, prettier hair, nicer homes, or more adventurous lives. I've always been proud that whatever they're accomplishments, they're my family and the good things they do and are a part of are something that reflects on my family.

I have never hated them because of the things they beat me out on. I have never set out to hurt them because my life is so miserable that I need to be that ugly. Have they ever done things that made me go "what the hell were you thinking???" ? Yep, they have. So has everyone else I know at one time or another. I'm sure they wondered the exact same thing about me more than once. Hell, even *I* wondered about me for awhile lol. The thing is that no matter what they do, *I* don't have to live with that. THEY do, and vice versa. So my job as someone who loves that person is to pray for them and hope that they change things for their own benefit. Exactly the same as they did for me.

Having felt that way and getting over it like an adult, I find it so sad when people let jealousy eat them alive and cause them to show just how ugly a person they really are. Jealousy clouds the mind in so many ugly ways. The jealous ones set out to hurt others just because they think they can or feel they have the right to do so out of some misguided sense of being wronged. I never got revenge over the underoos thing, and I feel like this is okay. I don't need to go buy myself some to feel better or validate how I feel about the fact that they got them and I never did.

I can honestly say that if I wanted revenge, there are things I could spill that would hurt people's feelings. I could tell people the lies being told about them. I could tell them what others say about them. I could totally hurt their self esteem, marriages, lives, kids, you name it. Not regarding the Underoo rich mind you, I just mean in general. It's not just family either, I could hurt people I don't even know over things that have been told to me. Why don't I? Because only a jealous lunatic or a very evil person would think to do so.

I worry constantly about people who I know for a fact are being used and lied to this very minute and I could show them what the users and liars REALLY think of them. But why? Who does it hurt? The person who said it, or the person that these things are being said about? I just can't bring myself to hurt an innocent person. A psychotic lowdown liar, oh yeah, no problem there, but not someone who's done nothing to me. Hell, even people I don't like, I keep things from in order not to hurt someone else who's innocent. It's just the right thing to do. I have to look at myself in the mirror every day and it's important to me that I can look myself in the eye.

What brought all this on you ask? My daughter and her so called "friend". It's pure evil jealousy at work. Ashley has a "friend" that literally goes after every guy that Ashley talks to. My daughter can't add anyone to her facebook page without this ho automatically going after them to see if she can steal their attention. Reminds me of someone else really but that's another story for another day.

The girl is jealous of my daughter to such an extent that she even makes up complete lies about Ashley to take a guys attention away and direct it to her. The funny part is that the things she accuses Ashley of, are things she does herself, AND this girl has a baby with no father. My daughter is home every night and she's not dragging a baby to parties where drugs are present or putting her baby in danger by bringing it to the home of a man she doesn't know just so she can get laid. More importantly, my daughter doesn't have me telling everyone how I am going to take her baby away from her, like this girls' Mom has to do. I feel so sorry for this family for what this girl puts them through as well, and definitely for the baby, but I have to say they handle it the best they can. I don't know what else they could do other than what they have already tried.

The girl even texts or messages Ashley about someone they mutually know, says horrible things and regardless of whether Ashley says anything or not, or even agrees with her, this girl goes and tells the person being talked about that ASHLEY said it, not herself. She's even gone so far as to change the things Ashley has said to make it appear Ashley DID say it! It's crazy and the ONLY reason she does it is because she's jealous. She's not as pretty as Ashley, she's not as smart as Ashley, she has too much responsibility that she can't handle and she's extremely immature and doesn't know how else to handle herself. Her self esteem begins and ends with how many men she can get to have sex with her. She ends up coming across as very unladylike and pathetic because of it, but she thinks she's clever and sexy and doesn't see how others see her. Including the guys who take her up on her offers til they get tired of her and her wanting them to take care of her.

The really sad part in all of this is Ashley takes up for this moron and gives her the benefit of the doubt even though she knows for sure that the girl is a creep and sets out to hurt her. I don't know if she just feels sorry for her or if she's just so used to her friends screwing her over that she accepts it as normal. Regardless of what it is, it's hard to watch her go through it. Part of me wants my daughter to take the loss and write it off as a bad experience like I do, but she just can't seem to do so. It's like she HAS to keep giving these people a chance to hurt her. It drives me nuts! I want to pop these people in the mouth and then smack my daughter upside the head, but what good would that do? It's something she has to learn on her own and I can only pray she learns sooner than later. Forgiveness is a beautiful, wonderful thing, but at some point you have to forgive and keep moving forward. Some things and some people are better left in the past.

I really hope that she learns this lesson soon so that as a person she can grow and have relationships that add something positive to her life rather than keep her wrapped in drama. Then again, it took me til I was 41 to remove the drama queens, liars and problem makers from my life completely and surround myself with the good people who genuinely love me that I know I can trust. So maybe I shouldn't talk about this much lol, but I am anyway. I guess I just hope my daughter is smarter than I am and learns faster. That's not a bad thing right? I just want her to be happy and I know that until she really deals with all this and these types of people, it will be harder for her to do so.

I guess as the title states..there is some Power in jealousy, but what sane or decent person wants it? It can only be destructive and in the end it only truly hurts the person who's jealous.


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