Nessas Place

I've learned a great deal in the last year. All of which was right before my eyes my entire life, and all of it I chose to ignore for the most part. It was easier to turn a blind eye than to face the facts. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes to get through life the best thing to do is fight the battles you might win and try not to worry about those that you know you can't. We're supposed to put to put it all in God's hands and let him handle it but that is SO much easier said than done.

More than anything I have really been trying to just get my life back since all this crap started. I've tried to forgive the lies and the disgusting people behind them. I've erased them from my life the best I can. I've gotten rid of their pictures, anything they gave me, and erased them from anything I have online. They just don't exist anymore. That might seem harsh, but you aren't living through this situation. For a few of them it was really hard because I genuinely love those 3 people. The other 3, well it gets easier and easier every single day. Some it wasn't all that hard for at all since I have always felt suspicious of them and worried about their actions. I used to feel bad about this, really beat myself up for it, now I know, I was right and while I feel sorry for them to an extent......I only wish I had protected my family better. Lesson learned.......I'll go with my gut from now on and keep people that bother me away.

Over the weekend though I started thinking about the whole situation and what would make it all go away and give me and my sisters some peace. I decided the only sure fire thing that would work is My Granny.

My Granny passed away many years ago. When she was alive, it didn't matter what was going on in the family, she ruled with an iron fist and as far as I know, no matter what her kids were arguing about, she didn't take sides. Whether they were right or wrong, she genuinely loved her kids and she did the best she could. She didn't put up with liars, she didn't put up with anything really. She was one tough lady. Sometimes I have to say, maybe she was wrong for NOT taking sides, but a Mother's Love is supposed to be endless and unwavering. I honestly believe hers was. She knew things that were not okay and I don't think she pushed anything under the rug. I think she just did what she could to deal with it and then she did what she could to protect us from any problems. No matter what though, we were a family. Warts and all. My Granny loved her Grandkids and she loved her own kids. It was that simple. Now, I admit, that there are things I probably don't know, but what I am positive of is that no matter what was going on with the adults, she did not allow it to affect us grandkids, so family, if you read this and see an error, keep that in mind please. THAT'S what *I* remember.......Granny kept us out of it.


When she passed away, that all kind of ended. Granny wasn't there as a buffer anymore and much of the family just drifted away from each other. Lines were drawn and some were on one side, it seemed like me and my sisters were always on the other. We just never knew why. We were told we were basically despised because we were poor and didn't have the nice things the others did. We were told our Aunts and Uncles didn't want us around. We only realized later, recently in fact, that the main reason we weren't around them was probably because they weren't willing to put up with lies and BS to be around our Mom and she knew it. They weren't shy about calling her on it. So rather than try to do better and stop lying, she chose to turn us against the rest of the family.

Sadly, Lies were to become a pattern that shaped most of our childhood. Lies both enhanced and destroyed our lives as far back as I can remember. They're definitely destroying us now.

Enhanced when we went to church and our alcoholic stepmonster lied to everyone there and they tried to help us while he took advantage of them at every turn. It was so embarrassing to watch him lie about not drinking knowing there was vodka in the tea he was sitting there drinking with them. Enhanced when he pretended to get hurt at work so he could sue the company for settlements so he didn't have to get a regular job. He much preferred staying home to abuse my sister, drink all day, steal money and pretend someone else broke in, cheat on our mother, run off with other women he met at work when he bothered to find a job.......you name it. He even shot himself in the arm once to get out of going to work and filed a false police report about it. He really was a total piece of crap and our Mother just adored him. Still does I think. Considering she has a better husband than she deserves now, that's even more sad than the fact that she let us be raised the first monster.

Anyway, back to why I miss Granny. She called a spade a spade. One memorable example involved the stepmonster. Ever so often he'd tell the whole family about how he had stopped drinking and had been sober for months. Granny always seemed to be listening but you could see she wasn't buying it. One holiday, not sure which, he told this story again. He was telling this while many people were all sitting there at the kitchen table playing cards or dominoes. I remember sitting at the bar and seeing Granny suddenly sit up a little straighter while he finished his latest "ive been sober this " ___" long story. She finished the hand and told everyone she'd be right back. We all watched out the huge kitchen window while she went outside and walked straight to our family's car. She opened the door and pulled Mr Sober's bottle of Vodka out from under the front seat. She came back in the house and she sat at that table, commenced playing the game and drank every single drop right in front of him. She never called him a liar, she didn't say a word to him about it. She just drank it. It was so funny watching him sit there almost drool and not be able to say a word. What could he say?

Why is this important? Because if my Granny was here today, this nightmare would be over already. She would have yanked the liars up and made them tell the truth. She would have made sure that our Mother acted like a Mother and didn't play both sides. She'd have called her on it and made her do the right thing when she tried to do otherwise. She have made the people involved including myself remember that no matter what we are ultimately a family and we deal with the good and the bad.

What she would not have done.........she wouldn't have tried to force my sister to apologize to a liar and someone who has threatened to lie to have my sisters kids removed forbeing willing to tell the truth in order to stay with her during a medical emergency. She was mad at my Mom many times, but she NEVER turned her away that I can remember. She chewed her out, but she was there for her. Granny would have let my Mom come there in a heartbeat in order to be sure that us kids didn't have to face a scary medical situation all alone. She might have ONLY done it for us kids if she was really mad at Mom, but she would have done it regardless.

She would never not check on her grandkids. Our Mother has not called or contacted ANY of mine or my sisters kids in months! It's almost Christmas........not one word! What did the kids do? Fine, be mad at us for standing on the side of the innocent person, but what did the kids do? I guess they have to be punished too? Granted me and my sisters don't want any of us or our kids to be around certain people for very good reasons, but she hasn't even asked if the kids could come the day before or the day after the other people will be there. How can she just not care about them at all?

Not that me and my sisters did anything wrong mind you. We're defending someone innocent, she's defending someone even SHE professes to be lying! I still have the damn email that says "everyone knows he didn't do anything and there's nothing to worry about, but "insert liars name here" cries every day over all this because she doesn't know what to do". (She SHOULD be crying, she's just like her dad! I;d cry too! ) In that same email, she called my youngest sister and her Mom trash and demanded I stop speaking to them. THAT'S why i walked away from her, it wasn't some stupid message she put on facebook that I couldn't have seen anyway lol. I blocked all the trash and have never unblocked them. Helloooooo?? I couldn't take the judgements anymore. I couldn't take the lies anymore. I couldn't take the stories she was coming up with about how this other person came over and cried because "she knew she handled everything wrong but didn't know how to fix it" to try and trick the other sisters into coming around that person.

That's the funny thing. We have ALL those emails. All the changing stories and all the times that our Mother declared someone absolutely innocent until the very day I said I'd had enough and told her I was done with her. Even after that she emailed 2 more times saying the same thing. When she got answers she didn't like, then and only then, she changed sides but to other family members she STILL professed the innocence of the accused person. We have all the emails printed out and screenshots done as well just in case! So while certain people gloat..........they should think about that a little bit. My sisters and their kids are hurting ONLY because they either believe in an innocent person or they are too young and don't understand how our family has been destroyed by lies.

Yes, me and my sisters told her that WE wanted nothing to do with her, we didn't say she couldn't call her Grandkids. Well 2 of us didn't, one may have. I'm not sure, but why wouldn't a caring Grandparent at least try? She simply doesn't care about them enough to bother. It's easier to sit in her little world and pretend that she never did anything wrong. That we all are just bad and she is innocent. She's Not......period. She's not a monster mind you, she's just got problems.

It hurts in a way. Mostly i'm pissed that my sister was terrified yesterday and our Mother is a nurse. She knows allergic reactions can be fatal but she only wanted to get her way. She cared nothing about my nieces and nephews, her own grandkids! She cared nothing about her daughter. She just wanted to see if there was a way she could get at least one of my sister's to be there for Christmas so that the others didn't see for sure that we aren't kidding when we say we refuse to be around some of them. They probably don't care for the most part really, but the few innocent ones will see a definite change and I feel sorry for them.

The good thing is that my sister is okay. When she was told she had to apologize for doing absolutely nothing wrong, she snapped to her senses and realized she was having a bad reaction and dealt with it. I hurt for her that our Mother did that to her though. I've dealt with this crap for years, and I know my sisters are strong people. We know we are doing the right thing in staying away because of certain people, but it doesn't mean it is an easy decision.

That's why I miss Granny. It never would have gotten to this point if she was still here. We wouldn't HAVE to make these choices. The innocent kids wouldn't be feeling unloved and uncared for by their Grandma. They wouldn't have to be told that we are going to have our own Christmases from now on that don't include some cousins they want to see and their grandparents. Make no mistake, me and my sisters are doing everything we can to show the kids that they ARE loved, that things are just different and that the kids will have better more meaningful Christmases from now on, but they are still kids. We can TELL them their granny and PawPaw love them, but what they know for sure is they haven't seen them and they haven't called them.

Unfortunately, I have to face the fact that Granny can't fix this. Granny is probably up there in heaven, keeping a score card of how many times we're all going to be bonked upside the head when she sees us again. I can live with that, I know she knows the truth too and i have a lot less bonks coming than some others do. The good thing is there will be love in every smack. That's a hell of a lot better than we're getting from our Mother. Granny wasn't perfect, but no one other than Pawpaw would have dared to tell her so ;)

*To my sisters- Once again.......I wish there was a way I could fix this for you and your kids. I would do anything I could other than put my own kids in jeopardy and I know you wouldn't ask me to do that. I'm so sorry that your lives are altered because of all this. I know for sure, without question that your faith and support is not wasted. The truth will eventually come out and it will be exactly what we believe it to be. I don't know how, I don't know when, But I know in my heart it will happen. In the meantime, just know I love you both dearly and that without you, as well as your spouses, i'd have lost my mind through all this. You've been the absolute best little sisters I could have asked for and we'll get through this somehow. Thank you for listening to the tears, the anger, the sadness and being willing to take a stand. I know that there are other issues than the one you know I am talking about, and i hope you know that as much as you have been there for me, I am there for you too when it's time to get the answers you seek.

Granny, go ahead and put another mark next to my name......I know you might not like what I've said, but it's the absolute factual truth and I wish with all my heart that It wouldn't even have to be said. I miss you.

Nessa

My sister Traci posted this on facebook a few days ago and it's something every parent should do for their young kids. ( If you celebrate Christmas that is)Portable North Pole has made it possible to send personalized video's from Santa to your kids, via email. The kid gets to see personal facts about themselves like pictures, they're age, toys they are wanting for Christmas, you name it. It's completely awesome!

None of my kids are really young enough to do this for so I sent one to my nephew Ty. SOMEONE who will remain nameless, but might sound like Decky, hasn't told me yet what he thought of it lol, but I'm sure he liked it at the very least. What 7 year old kid wouldn't love a personalized video from Santa?

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/guest/YhARoirF0Y2VbwPoYilAKg

Watch Ty's and then go to Portable North Pole and make some of your own for your kids or significant other. They'll love it and you'll love the price. FREE!One tip......if you want to include a picture of the toy or item your child is asking for........get all that together before you start making the video. It helps a lot!

Nessa

(Daniel at the Cousin Dinner with the gorgeous EmmaG. Not the best pic of him but isn't she CUTE???)

I was thinking the other day about how awesome my kids really are. They were always very good in school. I never had a teacher call me to complain that they were bad. I've never had a principal call me to state that they'd started trouble. They just went to school and behaved themselves. In fact, the ONLY one to get in any trouble at all was Daniel and that was defending his sister from a toad that shouldn't have been around other kids in school anyway. His teachers and coaches even testified for him in court over how good a person he is and how out of character it was for him to get in a fight. He literally used to eat lunch every day with many of the special needs kids because he saw people make fun of them. They were left alone after Daniel started eating with them. He's still friends with most of those kids even now.

My boys have an awesome work ethic. I have to say they probably got that from thier dad. I drilled certain things in their head like "no drugs, no pregnancies, no crimes" and he drilled "work like a man" into them. He irritates me in general and I am sure he'd say the same regarding me, but I give credit where it's due.

(Jonathon With his, Daniel and Ashley's Dad)

Daniel hated his job at Walmart, but he went every single day except when he was injured. He didn't skip out, he didn't quit when he had to deal with trifling idiots who would never be a manager in any other setting. He kept his cool and he did his job. I know grown men with children who don't have that much responsibility down pat and Daniel is single with no kids. At his new job, he's now working mostly at least 12 hours a day and doesn't complain at all. He loves to work and be a productive member of society. He feels good helping his family and having money to spend. The few times we had to have government help, he and Jonathon worked even harder with me to be sure we didn't need it. I love that they have pride in themselves.

Daniel's only real issue is he's generous to a fault. He will literally give his last dollar to someone who swears they need it. Sometimes I really have to put my foot down and step in because some of these "teen moms" want him to help support their kids. I don't care about him helping them, but if the baby doesn't have diapers and the mom has a new tattoo..........well there's a problem and the kid isn't his anyway. He just feels so sorry for the kids because they either don't have a daddy or they have a sorry ass father who can't be bothered.

Jonathon is much the same. He'll help anyone. He gets trampled on sometimes by his crappy friends but he's there for them no matter what. Sometimes I wish he'd see them for what they are and truthfully I think he does. He's just a good friend. He's a hard worker and he parties just as hard lol. He has very definite ideas about how children should be raised and he's harder than Daniel about those teen moms. He feels bad for the kids but he's like me.....if you need diapers, stop getting tattoo's with your government check and get a job.

Ashley doesn't work yet. Not out of any fault of her own really. She applies everywhere, there just aren't any jobs right now. She's a good person though and she treats people better than they generally deserve to be treated. I argue with her constantly about helping clean the house but she used to go to someone else's and clean it because she couldn't stand to look at the filth anymore lol. Amazing, that our own floor needing to be vacuumed isn't worth messing with, but send her to a really nasty house and she's all over it. Maybe it's the level of cleaning needing to be done or something. Maybe it's a challenge. Who knows? It's Ashley and she has her own way of doing things.

Tyler, well he's just a brat. He's got attitude for days but he is also a very good kid. Makes great grades, popular in school, makes friends easy, loves his music, loves singing, and can't live without his phone and his mp3 player lol. Never a problem in school at all. Teachers love him for his grades and his witty remarks that make them want to smack him upside the head and crack up equally. I know how they feel! He's very athletic like Jonathon was in school too. He's always looking to find a sport to play. He'll be starting MMA training soon for the benefits it will give him in his sports. I can't wait. That should be fun and I bet the other 2 boys join him.

All in all, I have awesome kids. They are good citizens, good members of society, they work hard and provide taxes for all the welfare recipients (JK!!), and above all they stand together even if I disagree with them. They've always been taught to have their own opinion and to stand by it. Believe me........they Do! They support each other in everything and if it's something they think will harm the other, they fight to get them to see the right way of things. They argue together a lot, but they genuinely love each other. That's something that I am the most proud of. What more could a Mother ask for?

(Before the KISS Concert this year)

Hmmmm, this wasn't supposed to be a book about my kids today. I guess i just feel the need to express how blessed I am to have raised such great people and I hope others feel the same way about their kids. Maybe it's the holiday spirit that's getting to me. I know for sure that I'd put my kids hearts up against anyone else's any day of the year.

Speaking of the holidays......we have a dance with the extended family this weekend and on Sunday I'm going to sell stuff at the flea market with my hunni. I want to make some extra Christmas money for something special I want to buy and he's been wanting to go sell some of his stuff too. So this looks like as good a weekend as any. It should be fun! Cold as all get out, but we always have fun together so i'm looking forward to it.

Hope everyone else has an awesome weekend and please remember to help a child in need or do something to support our fighting men and women and veterans this holiday season and everyday!

Nessa

Before last night, I'd never heard this song. As they started singing it, it was all I could do not to cry. We have so many men and women who are away from their loved ones and I don't think it hit me just how hard that must be for them and their families til I heard this. The whole time this song was being sung I kept thinking of my cousin and her hubby. He's doing his second tour in Afghanistan and will be home soon but not til after Christmas. They have a new baby that will spend her first Christmas without her Daddy being able to be there and that's just sucks to put it bluntly.

So for Cherish, Chris, all our troops who are away from home and family and those we've lost.......this is dedicated to you.



Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. You are not forgotten.

Nessa

First and Foremost, Today is my youngest son's birthday. It seems impossible that he was born just 15 years ago. It seems like it was just yesterday and yet he's been through so much it seems like it's been forever too. He was born 2 months premature and he was sick for most of the first year of his life, but I swear nothing has ever gotten in his way. He'd have a fever of 103 and still be trying to run around playing like any other day. His lungs are a mass of scars from being on oxygen, having multiple bouts with pneumonia, RSV and pretty much any respiratory illness you can think of, but he's tough as nails. He plays football, he sings in the choir, he runs track, he's active, fit and healthy. He's a straight A, sometimes a B here or there, student. He has tons of friends and he's an awesome kid all the way around. I'm very very proud to be his Mom.

Last night he got a chance to show off to us how well he's doing in Choir. He's not all that pleased with the way his teacher insisted he sing the lead part but I was proud of him for doing what she asked. Listen carefully to the first part of the video! Check it out:



Yep, you heard her right. This is his first year in choir and he won a Division 1 medal in his very first ever competition. That's MY child!

We're having a bonfire tonight for his birthday with some of his school friends coming over. That should be fun and insightful lol. We also get to meet Daniel's new girlfriend tonight too. I'm sort of excited but a little worried as well. Maybe, my initial impressions are wrong though. We'll see.

Phillip and I are riding on Saturday this week. The weather is supposed to be pretty yucky on Sunday so we had to move up a day. I'm doing really good and it's a lot of fun just getting out in the woods. We ride bikes through the state park and so far the farthest I've ridden is about 8 miles. Hoping to bump it up to 10 this time. I'm really proud of myself considering I haven't ridden a bike since back before Jonathon was born almost 23 years ago. I can't say I don't hurt a bit afterwards, but the hot tub is AWESOME for helping with that and Phillip makes sure it's hot in plenty time to use it. He;s such a great guy and so sweet to me. I can't believe how lucky I am to have found someone I truly trust and can believe in.

Then we have dinner with one of my sisters in The Woodlands. Daniel's birthday is Sunday so We're taking the boys to Hooters so that we can embarrass the crap out of them. That's always fun!

Anyway, the weekend will be really busy. I'll be sharing lots of pictures and video. you can bet on it!

Nessa

I'm a very patriotic person. I love my country. I am extremely proud to be an American and I do my best not to take the freedoms we have for granted. I do what I can to show appreciation for our men and women in uniform, not just on Veterans day, Memorial day and July 4th, but every day. My Grandfathers, both the blood related and not, all fought for our country. I have friends that served, Uncles who served, I have cousins and cousin in laws who are serving as we speak.

I think it is extremely important to remember our men and women who are missing their families, not only during the holidays, but every single day. Every American who cannot or will not serve, should at the very least do at least one thing per month to support a soldier or a soldier's family. There are TONS of ways people can do so. It doesn't have to cost a fortune either. It can be very inexpensive and very rewarding spiritually.

I was reading over at Burnt Food Dude this morning and saw this video of Ray Stevens. Now I think most remember him from some of his sillier songs but I think this is a very touching side of him that should be shared as often as the smiles he gave us in the past.



Now that I've said all the sweet stuff and you have a tear in your eye thinking about how much these men and women sacrifice for us.......think about this too.

There are people out there who protest our soldiers funerals with signs saying God has Blessed us by killing our soldiers. They spit on our soldiers bodies, they have attempted and may have succeeded in throwing blood on a dead soldier during his funeral. These "people" aren't mad Iraqi's or Taliban supporters. These people are Americans. The soldier isn't there to see what's being done, he's gone from this world in the arms of The Father, but his family sees this. They hear the chants and see the signs. This should NEVER be allowed in this country. I don't give a flying f*ck what rights we have, this one shouldn't be legal. Ask your politicians how they feel about this and if they think it's okay, vote for someone else who doesn't. A funeral, especially a soldiers funeral, should be considered completely untouchable by the evil piss ants who inhabit this earth.

There, now I shall set all that anger aside and give you helpful tips to help our men and women in uniform as well as their families.

Buy a soldier a cup of coffee at Green Beans. Just $2 buys a soldier a cup of coffee. You can include a note with it and 99% of the time the soldiers take the time to thank YOU back.

Send current or expired coupons overseas to help our military families stretch their budget. Postage is the same amount as it would cost to send anywhere in the USA . The military commissaries will take the coupons that have expired for up to 6 months past the expiration date. For a list of bases that accept the coupons,check out grocerysavingtips.com.

Feeling crafty? Feeling nice and warm at home? Sew, crochet or heck just go buy some blankets and take them to a homeless shelter. A shocking number of this country's homeless are veterans!

Do ANYTHING to help the Wounded Warrior Project. They provide wonderful help to not only the wounded soldier but the family as a whole as well.

Anysoldier.com lets you send mail, care packages and thank yous to soldiers who don't generally get mail. You can choose a branch of service to send to if you prefer a certain one. Be sure to check their FAQ's on what's okay to send and what isn't. Remember, if you send packages, you will have to fill out a customs form, but it will cost the SAME amount that it would cost to send to a US address. This is NOT super expensive and our guys and gals deserve the time and attention.

There are lots more ways to help. If you have a pet project you'd like to see included, please feel free to comment and let me know. I'm going to be adding a "Support Our Troops" link to my sidebar today and I'll include anything that will actually help our troops and their families.

Nessa

It's amazing to me how much people reveal of themselves when they aren't getting what they want. I can't say I'm perfect or have never done anything wrong, but I CAN honestly say I haven't ever set out to hurt anyone over jealousy. Revenge or looking for the truth maybe, but not jealousy.

The only people I can ever really remember being jealous of were my cousins. I was never jealous of other girls in school. Not that I remember anyway. I had things I wished were better or different but no real bouts with jealousy. With my cousins though, well now that was a different story. These were the people that mattered to me and I think that's what made all the difference. Now this was way back a very long time ago and it stemmed from pure childish wants. I was a kid......it happens. I was always upset that they had better Easter clothes, better Easter Candy, better Christmas candy, better rooms, better toys, more extracurricular activities, you name it. All dumb stuff, but at 8 when you have those nasty marshmallow eggs and Peeps in your Easter basket while your younger cousins have snickers and m&m's in theirs it's a big deal. I'm not saying we never had good holidays or anything like that or that we never had anything nice, just saying there were things I wish were different at the time. Being older now, it's funny, back then it wasn't. I hated always feeling like "the poor family". Our family didn't make me feel that way. It was just how *I* felt.

Having grown up, I've gotten over all of it except for the fact that I found out the other day that 2 of them had Wonder Woman Underoos and I never did. I'll move past this eventually but right now I'm thinking how unfair life is. Damn, I wanted those underoos! It doesn't even matter that when Underoos came out I was technically too old to be running around in them anyway. I wanted them.


Anyway, as part of that same growing up, all the childhood angst and jealousy have gone to the wayside as it should. I now see that I have strong beautiful cousins, whom I dearly love and have always been proud of. It doesn't bother me that some of them have better careers, bigger boobs, straighter teeth, prettier hair, nicer homes, or more adventurous lives. I've always been proud that whatever they're accomplishments, they're my family and the good things they do and are a part of are something that reflects on my family.

I have never hated them because of the things they beat me out on. I have never set out to hurt them because my life is so miserable that I need to be that ugly. Have they ever done things that made me go "what the hell were you thinking???" ? Yep, they have. So has everyone else I know at one time or another. I'm sure they wondered the exact same thing about me more than once. Hell, even *I* wondered about me for awhile lol. The thing is that no matter what they do, *I* don't have to live with that. THEY do, and vice versa. So my job as someone who loves that person is to pray for them and hope that they change things for their own benefit. Exactly the same as they did for me.

Having felt that way and getting over it like an adult, I find it so sad when people let jealousy eat them alive and cause them to show just how ugly a person they really are. Jealousy clouds the mind in so many ugly ways. The jealous ones set out to hurt others just because they think they can or feel they have the right to do so out of some misguided sense of being wronged. I never got revenge over the underoos thing, and I feel like this is okay. I don't need to go buy myself some to feel better or validate how I feel about the fact that they got them and I never did.

I can honestly say that if I wanted revenge, there are things I could spill that would hurt people's feelings. I could tell people the lies being told about them. I could tell them what others say about them. I could totally hurt their self esteem, marriages, lives, kids, you name it. Not regarding the Underoo rich mind you, I just mean in general. It's not just family either, I could hurt people I don't even know over things that have been told to me. Why don't I? Because only a jealous lunatic or a very evil person would think to do so.

I worry constantly about people who I know for a fact are being used and lied to this very minute and I could show them what the users and liars REALLY think of them. But why? Who does it hurt? The person who said it, or the person that these things are being said about? I just can't bring myself to hurt an innocent person. A psychotic lowdown liar, oh yeah, no problem there, but not someone who's done nothing to me. Hell, even people I don't like, I keep things from in order not to hurt someone else who's innocent. It's just the right thing to do. I have to look at myself in the mirror every day and it's important to me that I can look myself in the eye.

What brought all this on you ask? My daughter and her so called "friend". It's pure evil jealousy at work. Ashley has a "friend" that literally goes after every guy that Ashley talks to. My daughter can't add anyone to her facebook page without this ho automatically going after them to see if she can steal their attention. Reminds me of someone else really but that's another story for another day.

The girl is jealous of my daughter to such an extent that she even makes up complete lies about Ashley to take a guys attention away and direct it to her. The funny part is that the things she accuses Ashley of, are things she does herself, AND this girl has a baby with no father. My daughter is home every night and she's not dragging a baby to parties where drugs are present or putting her baby in danger by bringing it to the home of a man she doesn't know just so she can get laid. More importantly, my daughter doesn't have me telling everyone how I am going to take her baby away from her, like this girls' Mom has to do. I feel so sorry for this family for what this girl puts them through as well, and definitely for the baby, but I have to say they handle it the best they can. I don't know what else they could do other than what they have already tried.

The girl even texts or messages Ashley about someone they mutually know, says horrible things and regardless of whether Ashley says anything or not, or even agrees with her, this girl goes and tells the person being talked about that ASHLEY said it, not herself. She's even gone so far as to change the things Ashley has said to make it appear Ashley DID say it! It's crazy and the ONLY reason she does it is because she's jealous. She's not as pretty as Ashley, she's not as smart as Ashley, she has too much responsibility that she can't handle and she's extremely immature and doesn't know how else to handle herself. Her self esteem begins and ends with how many men she can get to have sex with her. She ends up coming across as very unladylike and pathetic because of it, but she thinks she's clever and sexy and doesn't see how others see her. Including the guys who take her up on her offers til they get tired of her and her wanting them to take care of her.

The really sad part in all of this is Ashley takes up for this moron and gives her the benefit of the doubt even though she knows for sure that the girl is a creep and sets out to hurt her. I don't know if she just feels sorry for her or if she's just so used to her friends screwing her over that she accepts it as normal. Regardless of what it is, it's hard to watch her go through it. Part of me wants my daughter to take the loss and write it off as a bad experience like I do, but she just can't seem to do so. It's like she HAS to keep giving these people a chance to hurt her. It drives me nuts! I want to pop these people in the mouth and then smack my daughter upside the head, but what good would that do? It's something she has to learn on her own and I can only pray she learns sooner than later. Forgiveness is a beautiful, wonderful thing, but at some point you have to forgive and keep moving forward. Some things and some people are better left in the past.

I really hope that she learns this lesson soon so that as a person she can grow and have relationships that add something positive to her life rather than keep her wrapped in drama. Then again, it took me til I was 41 to remove the drama queens, liars and problem makers from my life completely and surround myself with the good people who genuinely love me that I know I can trust. So maybe I shouldn't talk about this much lol, but I am anyway. I guess I just hope my daughter is smarter than I am and learns faster. That's not a bad thing right? I just want her to be happy and I know that until she really deals with all this and these types of people, it will be harder for her to do so.

I guess as the title states..there is some Power in jealousy, but what sane or decent person wants it? It can only be destructive and in the end it only truly hurts the person who's jealous.

Nessa

When my son bought his first vehicle, I have to say I kind of let him down. He had saved the money for the down payment and I chipped in a little too so that worked out fine, but we weren't exactly smart about this purchase. It wasn't a bad deal, it's just wasn't a smart one. The truck is a 2002 Dodge Ram. It has a V-8. THAT'S the problem. In all honesty, we didn't even shop around. Daniel heard heard the sound of that V-8 and he fell in love. That was all it took. I heard the engine too but didn't equate that with "not enough money in the world to keep it in gas". Fast forward to the fact that he now has an awesome job but it's farther than the old one was and we have a big issue. It costs him a fortune to use his truck for work, which means he has to use my car. I'm normally home all day and can do whatever I need to in the evening, so it's not THAT big a deal but Ashley will be starting school hopefully in the Spring and we need a better plan before then. Soooooooo, we're selling his truck and getting him something else that will be better gas wise.

I'm really considering a nice Chevy Silverado. First, because as much as I like Dodge trucks, I'm a Chevy gal at heart and lets face it, the Silverado is a gorgeous truck and it's not a gas hog if you get the right engine. Which we most definitely will do this time! I'm asking Phillip to go with him this time lol, not me, so it should work out fine.

At the auction a couple weeks ago we saw a really cute Range Rover that I would have loved to have had as well. I would have just traded Daniel cars and kept the Range Rover for myself lol. It was really nice, inside and out and went for a great price, but this was before we had made a decision about Daniel's truck and I thought we had no need for another vehicle. Figure's I'd miss a good deal like that.

Another idea we have is what I just mentioned. Letting Daniel take my car so that he has no car payment and I can just go get me a new Outlander. They're not a whole lot different than the Rav4 I have right now but they look soooooo nice and shiny and pretty. I guess the main thing we're going to have to do is some research to see what the best option we have is, what it will cost us and how to make it work out the best for us in the end. I was looking at wiki cars today and got some of the information we need. There are some cars we've definitely ruled out, but overall we just need to weigh options and see what works best. It should be a lot of fun. NOT.

Nessa

I'm sitting here at Phillip's and it's so quiet I can almost hear myself think. In fact, i'm pretty sure I keep hearing the sound of rusty gears turning every now and then. Maybe I'm not thinking enough lately or it's this pounding in my head trying to say "hey Stupid, you have a headache, you should go back to sleep!". Whichever it is, it's annoying as hell.

Besides the annoying part, it's like, really REALLY quiet over here. I can hear the hum of the refrigerator and the sound of passing cars but that's it. Phillip is still sleeping. He's been sick all week with sinus issues due to the changing weather. So I'm trying to be extra quiet so I don't wake him up.

This whole silence thing is really strange for me. Normally this is how my morning goes:
Roll out of bed
Start Coffee
Turn on The TV
Find something to watch on Netflix ( usually The Addams Family, The Munsters or Spongebob)
Tell Nikki at least 10 times to stop whining. ( she whines for NO reason, it drives me nuts)
Tell Sarge to quit banging his tail on the door
Tell Minnie to get off the couch
Remind Nikki to stop whining
Remind Sargie he'd look funny without a tail
Get Tyler up at 6
Listen to Tyler complain about body aches and pains
Listen to Tyler's text message alert go off about every 10 seconds
Start in again reminding the dogs to shoosh.

That's all just in a little over 45 minutes to an hour and it's every single day! Between that, the Psycho twins and changes at work, it's no wonder i'm stressed! Not that I wasn't already aware of all this mind you, i just didn't realize how stressful my day starts out everyday until I was sitting here not doing any of it.

The stress really showed this week too. To be quite honest, I've had it with people messing with my family. it doesn't matter that except for Tyler, my kids are all adults. they're still my kids and messing with them, means you mess with me too. I've already been dealing for months with one lunatic, now i'm having to try and help my daughter with another one. Apparently, my daughter can't have a boyfriend because one of her so called friends thinks that she has dibs on every man in our area. so every time a guy likes my daughter, this fruitloop interjects herself in the relationship and lies her ass off til the guy either gets tired of it all and walks away or he realizes that the fruitloop puts out and he follows his hormones.

Now, in MY opinion part of this is Ashley's fault. She knows this girl does this and she keeps forgiving her or doesn't call her on it at all. So the girl gets away with it and Ashley ends up hurt. Personally, I'd have ditched the bitch the first time but my daughter is far more forgiving than I am. Normally I think that's a good thing, but in these cases it worries me if she'll ever really actually stand up for herself.

It happened again this past week and I posted on Ashley's Facebook for the witch to see that i was sick of her and others like her. I didn't name any names but I know she got the message. Sadly, much like the other lunatic, I don't think she has a conscience, so i doubt it bothered her at all, but i felt better. I got Ashley's permission of course first. I didn't embarrass her. Considering the fact that I wanted to go to her house and plant my fist in her face on my daughter's behalf, I think i showed admirable restraint.

Oh well, Phillip is up now. It's still pretty quiet, but he's playing Spider Solitaire, my headache is easing off and I think we're gonna try to go ride bikes through the State Park again today. Should be about 8 miles and ALOT of fun since it's nice and cool outside. Hope everyone else's day is as nice as mine is looking to be.

Nessa

It's been a few days so maybe I can finally talk about it. Well, I thought I could anyway, but as I type, I find myself crying again. I didn't really want to share this on my blog at first because quite frankly, there are some truly evil and ugly hearted people who read here and would rejoice in my pain. I decided this morning though that My baby boy deserves a tribute and that I shouldn't deny him that.

Diesel was absolutely the best doggie in the world. He was loyal, kind, trustworthy, and protective. He was also gentle, sweet and loving in ways that no one would ever understand. He greeted me every single morning with a wag of his butt. If he'd still had his tail I swear he could have knocked people out with it. He was just THAT excited to see me every single day.

Every night he slept right next to my bed. If he couldn't sleep there he would sleep as close as he could get to it. He hated to be away from me. The funny thing is that when I first got him from the pound, he was intended to be a guard dog. Fat chance there. He was big and scary looking but that was as far as it went lol. As long as a burglar wasn't trying to hurt me or the kids, they could have anything they wanted.

He hated conflict, especially when we first got him. If he was in the house and the boys were wrestling around, he used to separate them by pulling on the waists of their pants. Once he was more used to the way the boys did things he realized that they weren't actually fighting and then he would do little more than raise his head, look at them and sigh as if to say "there they go again". If they got too rough he'd circle them crying as if he wanted them to stop but he didn't interfere anymore.

He refused to play ball like any other dog. He was smart! If HE could fetch a ball, so could you! The game went like this:
I'd throw the ball a few times and he'd run like a lunatic and bring it back all slobbery and nasty.
Then it was his turn to throw.
He'd swing his head and let the ball go. He had better distance than you might think too! Then I had to go get it. Luckily he didn't insist that I bring it back in my mouth lol. he did insist the game be played this way though. If I wouldn't fetch, he would go to the door to go inside. If I tried to play with another dog, he'd go get the ball and take it with him in the house and hide it. He was very jealous of his Mommy time.

He didn't put up with nonsense from other dogs either. When Sargie, a younger dog we rescued from being put on the side of the road with his brothers and sisters, would get too rambunctious, Diesel would knock him down and stand over him and growl, but only in the house. Outside sargie could play to his hearts content. Inside he had to behave. Diesel helped maintain the rules at all times.

He loved any animal he considered his. He had his own cats, his own bunny, you name it. They were his babies and he loved and played with them. Every night he'd walk by and give them kisses. None of them were afraid of him, regardless of how big he was. They got used to the fact that a kiss from Diesel usually meant they did a flip across the floor when he was particularly happy and forgot to be more gentle. It didn't matter. They knew he wouldn't hurt them.

When our defective male cat had babies, lol, Diesel was the babysitting Uncle. If the momma cat left the area where the babies were, Diesel would freak out and cry. It was like he just couldn't believe they were being left alone. So he'd go in there and sit with them til Momma came back. As the babies got older, they'd follow him around constantly and take his food. He'd stand there and cry til someone made them leave his food alone, but he never got mad at them. They could eat if they wanted. He wouldn't stop them. Which was funny because he wasn't like that with the other dogs. He was King and he ate first. But he'd give over to cats lol, Go figure.

I remember when I first got him and realized how smart he was. When we went to the pound and saw him, I knew he was beautiful but he was already huge even then. I admit I was a little afraid. Then he saw Tyler and I swear a light came on in his eyes and he was so excited to see him. Tyler went right into the pen with him and I knew right then there was nothing to be afraid of. He was as much as kid as mine were. He was just furrier and couldn't talk.

When some kids I used to know came up to see us, he refused to allow one of them to walk him. I used to think he was just being picky and wanted me to do it, but it was only one girl he was like that with. Anyone else could walk him, just not her. I wish I'd listened to my doggies intuition that day, but who would have guessed he was trying to tell me something? She never hurt him that I know of and to be fair he did seem to learn to tolerate her better after a bit even though he didn't see her much. It's just amazing to me looking back now how he clearly preferred she leave him alone and yet he loved everyone else.

When we weren't paying enough attention to him, he'd pet himself. if you were on the couch and had a foot sticking out, it wasn't your foot anymore. It was a way for him to be petted. He'd walk back and forth and pet himself with your feet, knee, the side of the bed, a chair arm, you name it. It wasn't that he didn't get attention either. He was just an attention whore to put it bluntly. He loved his family and wanted to be petted, but if we weren't in a petting mood, he found a way to get what he wanted. Total genius if you ask me.

What I loved the most about him though, was how much he loved me. You could see it in his eyes, you could tell by the way he constantly followed me and drove me nuts. He had such huge feet and he frequently bruised the back of my heel by being too close behind me. He'd just step on me then look at me like it was my fault somehow. I'd get irritated by it sometimes. Especially early in the morning before I was even kind of coordinated and i'd trip over him, hit my head, fall down, get all bruised, you name it. He was right there for me though to say he was sorry and let me know I shouldn't have been so clumsy.

The mornings without him are what hurt the most right now. it doesn't matter that for almost 10 years he followed me closer than a shadow and hurt me. It doesn't matter that my knee will never be the same because of him running into it full blast while I was standing still. What mattered was he truly truly and without a doubt loved me........he was just as clumsy as I was. You should have seen him ride in a car. Every time we turned a curve, he'd fall. It didn't matter what we did. He'd fall down.

I hope you understand that nothing in this tribute is in anyway a criticism of my doggie. It's who he was. He had a personality that was just unlike any other and I know for sure there will never be another like him.

My friend Tiffany gave me this on Facebook a few days ago. I don't know who wrote it or where it came from, but it fits and so i thought I'd share it.


"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...."

I miss you Diesel.......have fun and watch for me at The Rainbow Bridge. I promise to fetch anytime you want.

Mommy