Okay, so now that I've made that clear, let's move on to the rest of the post. I'm Tired! I am trying soooo hard to stop relying on "assistance" with falling asleep and staying asleep at night. For almost 5 years I have been having to either take something so I can sleep at night or I end up getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning after having given up that sleep would come back. Sometimes I can't even go to sleep til after midnight without taking something to do so. It doesn't matter how active I have been. it doesn't have anything to do with thinking too much about things. It's been going on for a long, long time, but it's just the last 5 years that I started taking something on a fairly regular basis in order to combat it.
The problem with that is that I have very real fears about relying on pills of ANY kind for ANYTHING. I am truly terrified of addiction. I am so terrified that it borders on an obsessive type of issue. At this time in my life, I am on heart medication and a synthetic thyroid hormone. I lost 50 pounds with my main goal being not needing the heart medication anymore only to find out that I still needed it and had to add the thyroid pill in too! I literally cried! Apparently I have had a thyroid problem for roughly 17 years and didn't know it. My test results always showed to be in normal range and I stayed so active that it didn't have a chance to catch up with me since it was a very minor issue at the time. Then I started working from home, sitting on my butt all day, every day and well.............yeah, it caught up. The only good thing about being on the thyroid pill is that the pains I had in my legs for those 17 years and the pains I had started getting in my arms are gone. No pain pills to agonize about needing to take. No sitting and crying over the pain. So, you get the point. Medications are a problem for me. It doesn't matter if it's over the counter stuff or prescribed. This goes for the sleeping aids too.
For the last few days I have not been taking anything. No benadryl, No Herbal supplements, No Prescription meds, NOTHING! And the end result is, I'm exhausted! I barely slept Wednesday night, but I was able to go back to sleep without too much trouble. No really long periods of being awake that night. Thursday night, I went to bed around 10 and woke up at midnight and the last time I saw the clock on that round it was 12:47. I woke back up at 3 and was awake from there on. I finally gave up at 6 and got up as usual. I would have gotten up much earlier but I didn't want to disturb George's sleep. Last night, I went to bed at around 9:45 and I think I might have slept about 2 hours total here and there. I was literally awake at every hour of the night. Sleeping in 15-20 minute increments and then I'd wake up again.
This can't continue obviously, but I really don't know what to do about it. I don't feel I should HAVE to have medication to be able to sleep. I don't wake up feeling fantastic after taking it. I don't even sleep all night when I take it. I'm just able to fall back to sleep much easier than if I don't. There has to be an underlying cause and THAT'S what I have to figure out. It's been going on for so long though that I can't pinpoint anything that would have caused it. My life is always stressful. I've learned to live with it so I don't think that's it. I'm just not sure what the problem is. I guess the plan at this point is to talk to my doctor next week and tell her what I've been doing and what I don't WANT to do anymore and see what she thinks. I have a feeling she's going to play the role of Captain Obvious as usual and tell me to take the darn supplements. She'll probably follow it up with "And Like it Dammit!!", because she's blunt like that. The good thing is that she knows exactly why I am afraid and she tries to work with me on it to find other solutions rather than pills. Things like dietary changes, etc. Guess I'll put it in her hands Thursday and update y'all on what she says.
Pray for me in the meantime please? I REALLY want to beat this and sleep normally!